501. Can We Please For Everything That Is Holy, Stop Placing Limits On Women… Especially Moms

On this episode, Nellie emphasizes the importance of not placing limits on women, especially mothers, and discusses the impact of negative comments and judgments. She highlights the significance of surrounding oneself with supportive people and the need to ask supportive questions rather than making judgments. She also addresses the concept of under-stimulation in individuals with ADHD and autism. Nellie advocates for creating protocols to respond to negative comments, such as affirming one's busy life rather than agreeing with the judgment. 

#nellieunhinged

We will touch on:

• Surrounding Yourself with Positive Influences
• Trusting and Supporting Others
• Dealing with External Judgments
• Empowering Yourself with Confidence

Let's Take Some Action:

• Come up with a protocol or pre-planned response to use when someone makes a judgment about you being "too busy" or having "too much going on".
• Reflect on any past situations where someone has placed a judgment on you, and think about how you could have responded in a kind but firm manner.

This episode is sponsored by Kristen Rourke with Busy Mom Bod. Check her out on social media and her amazing programs!!
Busy Mom Bod: https://stan.store/busymombod

Transcript

Unknown: 1:23

You love unhinged Nelly. So she is coming out to play with so much love, so much love. And this message is so important, because if I had $1 for every time someone has tried to place a limit on myself, and I'm only just one human so I'm sure you have stories that you can share with with the world, I would be a billionaire like the I call this other people's wealthy Achilles heel that they're trying to place on you. And we can. We can have so many people come into our mind and create so much noise that we then start to believe what they're telling us. And so this is why who you surround yourself with is so, so important. And so I want to give you some examples, just to make sure that not only you're making sure that you're not saying this to other people, and equally, if people are saying this to you, I want to give you some support and encouragement and protocols of like, how you can protect your wealthy bubble. So this is like a both, and so we get to be careful of saying things to other women, too busy moms, you're too busy. I didn't invite you because I know you're too busy, or I know that you're too busy, but and then you go into the the statement, or aren't you tired, or you've got a lot of kids, or you've got a lot going on, and it's, it's the energy around these types of statements, where it's like passive aggressive, and also very much undermining that person versus you saying, so are you doing? What's exciting you, what's draining you, what? What do you need support with? Right? Like actually asking questions versus placing judgments on people. They may not be too busy for them, like a lot of people, especially if you have ADHD, they have a lot of energy. They have to exude a lot of energy, or they're under stimulated. People talk about over stimulation, which I is a real thing, trust me, I know, but there's also a thing called under stimulation. And if, if certain types of people, like ADHD ers and and people with autism, if they don't have enough things going on, then they're under stimulated, and then it's a recipe for disaster, right? And so we get to trust other people that we love, that they are an adult, they know their capacity, they know their wants, their needs, their desires, they know their work ethic. And so instead of us placing judgments on people, if you are concerned about someone, ask curiosity based questions. Ask open ended questions. Extend a helping hand that those things are awesome. Those things are amazing. Those things come from such a place of love versus placing your own judgment on somebody that you just truly, genuinely don't know if that's how they feel. And the reason why this is so important is if someone's not rock solid in their mindset, then that's when, that's when all of these energy leaks start to happen for somebody because their their mindset is not strong enough. Am I too busy? I think I am. Do I have too many kids? Do I have too many projects going on? Am I posting too much on social media like I'll never forget over 10 years ago is when I started doing video on this very platform. And what's so powerful about this is people would like make back handed comments to me. They're like, I see you on video. Like you're doing a lot of video. And it wasn't like, we're proud of you. It like, again, people, your energy speaks volumes versus what you say. Like it's important to match your energy with what you're saying, but a lot of times when people are communicating, it's not. And so your energy overrides everything. No matter what you're saying, your energy overrides it. And so I remember over a decade, decade ago, multiple people would like try to poke fun at me for being on video and I'm here just wanting to change lives. Is that so bad? Right? Maybe I post too much for some people, but I love to take the the approach of when I am posting and it's coming from such a place of love, no matter how much I'm posting, the person that loves me, that loves to hear from me is not going to say that type of thing. I'm going to go focus my energy on that type of person, because that's that's the whole reason why I'm here on social media anyways, okay, so we get to pay attention. Into judgments that were placing on other people and equally. Now we'll go into the second half of this episode, which is placing when people are placing judgments on us. What are our protocols? You don't have to be the girl that just smiles and nods like, yeah, I am too busy. What if you one of my favorite protocols is when somebody says, I'm too busy, in a in a negative way, and it has negative energy around it, I go, I'm living my best life, like I am not too busy. I'm living a full, abundant life, like I push back and I do it with love, but I'm not going to just sit there and be a punching bag with somebody's judgment, even if it's fun and playful, if I allow that into my energy force field, it's too risky for it to seep into my subconscious. Of like, Are you too busy? Do you have too much going on? Should you slow down? And I just, I love to check in with myself, like, and there are times where I'm like, Okay, I need, I need a break, right? But it's coming from an internal decision versus an external judgment. And that is key. Breaks are awesome. Breaks are important. Breaks are everything. And so when people are trying to place judgments on you, I want you to think about what has people said to you in the past? Are you too busy? Do you have too many kids? You're always leaving early, you you get here late, and like, there can still be truth in those things. But we want to create protocols, because if not, if we have no protocols, when the moment happens and we're just kind of like a deer in headlights, and we don't know what to do, then they just smile and are like, this feels awful. When can I leave? I don't love this, right? And so we don't want that, because then it's almost like you need like an energy shower after because you're just like, Oh man, I just, I sat there and I didn't say anything. I don't love that, right? So when you can have a protocol before the moment happens, a lot like in healthcare, they can be in high stress situations and activate a protocol, and it's muscle memory, right? So think about the things that people have placed judgments on you in the past that you don't love, you're too busy, you you know, you've got a lot going on, or you're always on video, or you're posting too much, or anything somebody has said to you that you're like, that was kind of shitty. Like, I say that laughing, because I'm just like, it's so real. You know, you have at least one thing that has been this wealthy Achilles heel from other people that could be blocking you for more wealth, and it's not anything that you have said to yourself, but then we start to take on those feelings and beliefs and emotions if we don't have a protocol in Place. Okay, so I'm here to be your protocol fairy godmother, and you get to think about this. Okay, so if it's you're too busy, you could say something, like, I do, like, I'm never too busy for the most important people. Or I'm living my best life. It's so full. I'm so amazing. Like, it's so amazing. I'm so happy, right? A lot of people will tell me, I post too much on social media, and I have just chosen to be like I just post what feels good to me, and I trust that the right people are loving it, which happens every single time, right? And so I don't have to be the girl that just smiles and nods right and just takes it, nor do you. So think about the response that you would love to say that is still kind and thoughtful but firm, right? We don't, we don't want to stoop to their level and be like, arrogant, bitchy, mean, because that's all low energy. But we can be in the middle where we're like, kind, loving and firm, and we, like, have some umph, right? Like, I love some umph. And the beautiful part about this is you feel so good after. You feel so good after, versus the like, the ickiness after, where you just smiled and nod, and now you have to, like, get your energy back up. You feel like a fucking badass after you speak up for yourself. It is so thrilling. I had a very specific situation happen in September where I was in a parking lot and I went down the wrong way of the parking lot. Granted, I'm not in busy rush hour traffic. I'm in a parking I'm in a parking lot. This man stops me, if you've heard this story before, he throws up his arms, he rolls down his window. He tries to, like, go like this to me. And so I go ahead and roll down my window, and he started to, like, lay into me that I was in the wrong side. And he told me, okay, this. Was a, not only a judgment that he was placing on me, but he he was then trying to tell me what to do, okay? And I owned by mistake. I was like, I went down the wrong way. That's why I moved over. Okay? But he was like, you need, you need to move right now into the other lane. And I said, I'm going to sit here for a second and I'll, I'll move my vehicle when I feel comfortable. And I smiled and said, I hope you have a great day. So I was so fur, I was still kind, but I wasn't a pushover and I wasn't people pleaser. And this is a big block for so many people. They think that they either have to be quiet or just be the yes person that just smiles and nods and be like, Yeah, everything's fine. Okay. You want me to move right now, even though I don't want to move right now, I don't feel comfortable right now. Yeah, like, let me not pay attention to my needs and let me just, you know, let let me have you boss me around. Because what do I know right when women can stand more in their power and speak up for themselves and do it from a loving, kind, firm place. This is where everything you desire lives. When you are in your power, you feel like you can do anything. And I wasn't prepared for that situation, but I've been doing this work for so long that I was able to activate that and do it, and I felt so proud of myself after, like, I felt so proud because me, even a year ago, would have been the girl that was like, oh, okay, of course, like, let me go, and I would have felt so bad after, so bad after. And this is where we have some work to do, right? Because your big goals and dreams are going to require a more powerful you, a more determined, you a more strong boundary type of human. And that can happen with people that you know and people that you don't know, but you get to speak up for you like that's really the biggest thing I want you to take away from this podcast episode, is you get to speak up for you. You don't have to be a doormat. You don't have to be the yes person to every single person. What do you desire? How do you want to feel? And we get to speak up. And you don't have to do it and be perfect. You can do it in your voice be trembling. But we get to do this more and more and more, and we can start with, what do you actually want for dinner and speaking up there, right like so it's not just judgments that are that this is connected to, but it's you genuinely proactively speaking up for yourself so reactively speaking up for yourself and proactively speaking up for yourself. And when we can do that, your confidence skyrockets. Like is a cute shirt and makeup great for confidence, for sure, lashes, fantastic. But none of that can hide the internal stuff, right? You can have the best shirt on and still be the doormat, and you're just like, really, I'm smiling and I'm hiding so bad right now, right? And so I just don't want that for you. I want the I want you to have the internal power and the external power and have them meet together, and this is what creates you to be unstoppable. So with that being said, one of my favorite wealthy friends, Kristen Roark sponsored this episode today. She is the busy mom BOD, and she is on a mission to help busy women feel amazing in their bodies. And I love this because so many people place wealthy Achilles heels on us as busy moms that we can't work out, that we can't have, you know, an amazing body after babies, and Kristen's on a mission to prove that wrong and help you do it from an ease flow, fun standpoint, so you can feel good, and it's a lifestyle shift, and not just like a quick diet. So check out Kristen Roark. You will not be disappointed. She's one of my dear, dear friends and amazing clients. And friend, I already said friends, but she's one of my amazing friends. So go check her out. Say hi, get on her email list. You will not regret it. So go create one protocol of how you're going to speak up for yourself in reactive energy and even proactive energy. And I'm so proud of you. You've got this. I know if I can do it, you can do it too. This is coming from the biggest people pleaser ever, ever. So hopefully this will give you inspiration to speak up for yourself. Okay, I love you. Bye.