On this episode of the Wake Up & Be Wealthy show, Nellie is talking about How to rebel against the status quo with our special guest Ryann Dowdy, founder of The Connection Agency: a human focused sales + marketing consulting and tech company.
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Good morning, and welcome back to the show. Some of my favorite episodes is when I bring you badass women, because there are so many women on the online space, especially mothers that are crushing it. So I can't think of a better person to bring you today. Then my amazing friend, right? Hi, Nellie, I'm so excited to be here. So you are a mom, and you're running two businesses. And that is not always celebrated, to be a mom to be a working mom. And on top of that run two businesses. So how do you navigate this and really rebel against the status quo? And like the chatter of you should you should you should like let's just like dive in and be rebels together. Yeah, absolutely. So oh, gosh, how do we navigate all of it? So the first thing, my biggest opportunity to rebel against the status quo is that my husband, my husband stays home with the kids. And he's been home for three years now. So it's since like, we made the decision right before COVID COVID just set up our timeline. So he would like we had like a six month plan, it might have been a six week plan. And so Kevin's been out with the kids. For Gosh, three years now. And it's been a game changer for our family. It's been so huge. And it was always going to be that way. Entrepreneurship, like I said, just accelerated it. So I traveled for a living in my corporate job, like it was never going to be me, I was never going to be the parent who got the call from daycare, or you know, Hey, your kid has a fever. It was never going to be me. But we really flipped that on its head back in 2020. And it's it's interesting. It's interesting, really navigating it inside of our marriage. But it's also interesting navigating it externally as well. A lot of people have a lot of feelings about that. Event and otherwise, right? Some people think it's amazing. Other people think it's weird, like, strange. Like, are you emasculating your husband? And so that's that's probably the one that's the most bold for us that, yeah, we just throw it out the window and did it the way we wanted to do it. When people give you their opinions? Do you like smile? And nod? Or do you like reframe it? Like, what? What's your response? Because I think it can be uncomfortable in those situations, whether it's, your husband stays home, or you make a lot of money, like people can just, like, put so much like of their own opinion on you that you're just like, oh, I don't know how to like respond to this. I mean, I do a lot of smiling, nodding, or like my favorite thing is like everybody has to do what works best for their family. Like that's my favorite response. Like everybody's love that. Yes, that's so good. That gives them things to think about too, because I think there's just so much conditioning that we run like we operate in a lot of times people don't mean it in a mean way, but it can be hurtful, like, I remember when we had been and I was in the hospital responding back to a couple of clients, because I genuinely wanted to like it gave me life to like remind me of like there's something else and somebody truly like scolded me for it. She was like, shame on you. And I was like, this was my choice. Like we should be like cheering each other on like, No, I loved watching you go through everything when you had the baby because I was not as far along in my journey to my my full time entrepreneurship journey was on the heels of the birth of my youngest. So I used to her maternity leave as my runway, Georgia will be four in June. And I was not as bold as you I did not show up. And it wasn't because I didn't want to show up. It was because I didn't want the judgment. I was like I didn't want I was like, Oh my God, what are people going to think? That it's like, you know, like, well, she's asleep. I could work. Right? I'm gonna think and so I think actually voxeu After that happened, because he posted about it. And I was like, kudos to you for owning that. Because at the time, I didn't have the confidence to own it. Now I would, I'd be like, you know, unless you get a check for this house, then your opinion can go where it goes. But at the time, I didn't have that confidence. So I hid for like, two or three weeks longer than I really wanted to in my maternity leave because I was afraid of the exact judgment that you got. Yeah, it's and like, if that would have been with baby number one. I would truly like it could have been mentally harmful because it like we just don't recognize like, our words hurt like, and like it took me a minute to like, emotionally regulate that but I was so much stronger because of it. I was like, this is the exact reason why I'm doing what I'm doing like so women do not feel alone and that they can earn money. And like it gets to be on their terms. Like there's you don't have to work for corporate and you don't have to stay home there is another way so I just love that you're a good example of that. Thank you. So all right, so you're running to businesses and like still a mom like even though hubby is staying home like there's still needs for your family. How like how are we doing all of this? Well Definitely one is like a really strong team. And this is kind of like these are you're like cheering me up perfectly because one is like, my husband stays home. And two, there's no way in hell I'm doing this alone. And this is like, the biggest thing that I wish successful women would tell other women is that like, I didn't do it by myself. Right? Because and I know I thought it like when I was still working full time. And you know, side hustling and had a baby and was pregnant with baby number two, I just assumed everybody was juggling all the plates, because that's what I was doing. Right? I was spinning all the plates. And I was like, Look at me, I'm Superwoman. I'm working. And I'm momming. And I'm volunteering and doing all this other stuff. You know, not knowing that burnout was right around the corner, right? But there's a lot of help. There's a lot of help. So I have an incredible team inside of the business. I have two full time employees. They're incredible humans, I love and adore them with my whole heart. And so I really get to stay in my zone of genius in the business. I like to talk to people, I like to solve problems for my clients. And that's it. Like that's what I do. And so I don't do anything else inside of the business, except for the things that are really my thing. So I can and of course I pinch it where occasion but like day to day 8020 rule, right 80% of my time is dedicated to the things that I'm good at. And so that allows me to not have to work all the time, because I'm not doing stuff that's not mine that I'm doing in the business system fine. Again, pinch it, but 8020 I don't think so that's that's the first half. The second half is systems and processes, right? Like, the more you know, almost everything we do in our business, even in our lives, guys, like, even so my husband makes my son lunch every morning. He's a kindergartener for like five more minutes. But you know, there's a system, and it was me that so I was like, What are we doing? Like, why does it look different every morning? It's the same thing. It might be a PBJ instead of ham and cheese instead of a bean and cheese burrito? Because that's what my kid asked for some days. But like, it looks the same systemize it like, why are you making this harder than it has to be? Everything is always in the same place. So now the six year old can go get all the things and put it on the counter. So dad can make him lunch, right? So it's at home. And you know, in in the business, right? Like my children know when they take a bath because they bathe in my bathroom? Because why would they have their own bathroom, their clothes come off, and they go, they have their own hamper in somebody's closet, right? It's my husband's closet, his and hers closets. It's bougie. I love it. But they go in there, right? That's where they go. So that's just the system. So instead of picking baby clothes up, and now the kids know, but pick a close up, because now we have a dog. So I'm like, Well, if you leave it on the floor, it's gone. So you like that song, you should put it in the hamper. But anyway, I just use that as an example of like having systems and processes. So many things in our lives in our businesses are the same thing over and over and over and over and over again. So finding a way to automate duplicate delegate is probably the second way. And then the third way, I think that we really get all the things done is just a lot of like going like God, like there's so much shit that we try to control that we have no business controlling. And that's been the hardest lesson and a lesson I still have to learn every day and Natalie. But I think to me, that's really how it all gets done is I've just like I'm just Jesus take the wheel and let's go to Carrie Underwood, like we need her in our life. Because it's it's so true. And like, obviously, you are the queen at sales. And like in order to like pay a team, we need money coming in. So like what have been like your tried and true sales strategies that have helped you grow over all the years. Yeah, human to human connection period and a story. And has been my superpower, I started selling radio advertising at the age of 2000, at the age of 21, in 2005. And it was always about people that was it. It was always about people it was at the time was belly to belly, right. Like our manager was like, I want your belly to belly as often as possible, the more people you like, get in front of them build relationships. And so that's always been my jam from a sales perspective. Like, I've never really gotten into the whole concept of just like put it out there and let them come like if you want to talk to me, you know, and I mean, I'm obviously not taking sales calls for you know, $12 products. But if you want to DM me and ask me a question, of course you can. Right. And we also like the one thing I think it's missed so not just the inbound with the outbound aspect of some people need to be invited in and be okay with that. So when somebody is like creeping on my content, I noticed that they're liking and following they're commenting and they're interacting, reaching out. Hey, Nellie, thanks so much for the love like what's going on? Who are you? How's it going? And we have gotten more clients that way than waiting for people to come to us because we were like hey, we've seen you and that's our most basic human need is to feel seen heard never understood. So everything we do from a sales perspective, converse that yeah, I love that and if you do you know anything about human design like I do, I know enough projectors. Projectors need that they need the invitation and they will wait on the sidelines until someone's like, knock, knock, knock, let's go like come to the party. So I love that you do both because like generators, they're just gonna make up their own mind and like, they're gonna like when you're sleeping, they'll be the ones that pay. And you're like, oh, yeah, I made money in my sleep projectors typically don't do that. What a manifesting generators do because that's what I do. And I know what I do. But I'm curious across the board, so I think they're very similar to generators. So they may be actually a little bit more impulsive than generators, because generators are moving so fast that they're like, oh, I want to do that. But kind of like ADHD like, Oh, I'm, like, squirrel moment. So manifesting generators. I think they're more like, Oh, I see it. I want it. I'm gonna do it right now. Like, so they're probably even faster than generators. So that rings true for me. I'm like, Yes, yeah. Never on a sales call until I like can't figure out how to buy without the sales. Like, buy now button. What are we doing? I know what one of my biggest this actually just happened yesterday. And I think you'll laugh at it. I want this software so bad for some thing. And it's not like a huge high ticket about you cannot buy it without a sales call. And I'm like, so like, give me the button I want to buy like I totally love welcoming people to a sales call. But like, right, don't prevent people like they would have had a sale yesterday for me, like, paid in full for the year. Like, why do we have to get on a sales call, like my time is so valuable? If I already know I'm gonna buy and I don't have questions like, give me the freaking button. So I know you would love that. Yeah, it's true. And I won't take the sales call. And then the problem is, you know what I do, I then put my, my ops manager on auto sales call. And that's the last thing you want. Because she's like, let me tell you why this sucks. These are all the reasons why this is not going to work in our business. Like if you want to sell something to somebody, you want to sell it to me, not her. But if you don't make it easy for me, you're gonna have to sell it to her and not gonna go well. Yeah, I've achieved the projector projectors like to say things and think about it. Oh, that's so good. That's so good. So how as women, can we feel safe being more rebellious, especially online? Because it can be especially because of the judgment that you shared to like, how did you go from fair, fearful the judgment to like, I'm going to run two businesses be a badass, you know, mom, boss and apologize for it. Like what happened in between there? It was really, the relationship with me. Right? Like, I really started to trust myself. And I own it in a really powerful way where it was just like, I'm going to stop apologizing for who I am. Right? Like, I'm just gonna stop doing it. And it's hard. And it's scary. And it doesn't always go the way that I want it to like there's, there's not I think there's so much portrayed in, in Marketing Land in general. And it's like, if you just do this, it'll be easy. And I'm like, No, I just do this. And some days, it's not easy, but I do it anyway. Right. Like, that's the part is like, you can feel fear and do it anyway. Like, that's the magic. So for me, it was like I was afraid. But I did it anyway. And that I think is what and then it's like a muscle, right? It's just like anything else where you just you know, the more you train the muscle, the more natural it becomes. And it was really funny. I hosted a retreat, it was in January 2022. There were like eight of us at this house in Scottsdale. And the main thing was, the guy was gonna be just it but this is it was so good. We're hosting another event in September if anybody wants come with us. But this this is a year half ago. But I wanted to do like a quick live to show everybody the house and like I just pushed go live and I started talking and I showed the room we got off and like three of the girls were like, You didn't even think about that, like you didn't even set for that you just like push the button you made were like, oh, I should show everybody the house, I push the button. And I went. And I realized that it was because it was a muscle. It was like Do you know how many times I just push the button, you know, I used to play in and take all the notes and do all the things but the more you do it, it's like a muscle and for me, it's like an athlete can can perform or the tennis player can just get up and go play tennis. I mean, they should warm up, they don't have to write they just go play tennis like for me it's become such a muscle to show up. And to serve and to to do it. And then a big part of it for me is like my personal mission. I believe God put me on this planet to put more money and more power in the hands of women. And if I don't talk about all of the things that I am doing, including my husband stays home, and we have a shit ton of help. And I run two businesses and this and that and I just got dumped by my friends of eight years by learning they all planned a trip to New York without me all at the same time. Like if I don't tell that story, then some other woman thinks that it's just her right or that she has to figure it out alone. So a large part of what I share on the internet, I share because if I'm feeling it or a woman in my community is Feeling it that other women are feeling it too. And I don't know why I feel this may be a little bit of the martyr in me where I'm like, Well, somebody's gonna fall on the sword and it might as well be me because I'm strong enough to handle the backlash. Yes. Well, I was gonna ask you to like, these are a lot of emotions right on top of like, you know, supporting your kids to which also had they have a lot of emotions. So like, how do you hold emotionally all of this like, what have you found to work really well for you from just like taking care of you mentally, physically, emotionally, all of it? Yeah, meditation and exercise are my two like things. And I couldn't, I didn't, couldn't meditate for the longest time because I thought it meant something that it didn't. But now like just sitting like I can't even listen to like the really slow meditation music, like go to Spotify, look for upbeat meditation music, like you don't have to fall asleep, to meditate. Like, it's just really about regulating your breathing and your body. And so once I took away the agenda of what it was supposed to look like, and it was like, it's really just about spending time with you and honoring you, and your spiritual relationship, whatever that is. So I do that. And I mean, I move a lot. So I walk I have a Australian shepherd who God willing has not knocked over the camera or anything while we're here today. He's underneath my nose right now. You know, so like, how many needs to move so I moved with him. But I had learned and even like my husband, God bless him, like if I start to get cranky, so maybe just go for a walk? Oh, yeah. You know, like, he can just kind of sense that I start to get that like really manic. Oh my God, there's so much to do, how am I gonna get it all done. This didn't go the way I wanted to do energy. You know. So those are the two ways that I manage my mental health is a lot of meditation, and moving my body and for me, it was walking and I tried to make it something more I was an athlete. So it was like eating is not enough, right? Like I but not dripping in sweat. And like, chinlock it wasn't over an hour. I'm like, we're just gonna go for a walk. So that's how I manage my mental health. I love that. I think that's so important. And like, obviously, there's lots of successful women on the online space. And I think when you're like just starting out, or you're having just like a dip in your business, it can be so challenging to like, navigate that adds inspiration, like, so like, what, what have you found to work really well of like, stepping out of imposter syndrome and like using other people's success as like, inspiration and evidence that this is possible, because we're still human, and it still happens. And it's something I hear all the time for women, they're like, oh my gosh, I'm in my own head. I have so much impostor syndrome, like all the things. So two things there for you dealing with impostor syndrome, to me is just like curiosity, right? Like, what? What is causing the imposter syndrome? Right? Is it? You know, I'm watching Nelly kick ass, take names and have a newborn. But meanwhile, I have a newborn and I can barely function. Right? Like, okay, but what's going on there? Right? Like, how can you take care of you in that moment? That's not about showing up like Nellie, but serving you. Right? So to me, I always encourage people to meet imposter syndrome with curiosity, like what is underneath that story? Right? Or maybe you launch the business at a similar time as somebody else, and they're farther along than you, right? So instead of making her wrong or making you wrong, it's Gosh, I wonder, I wonder what's going on there. Right? Like with me, again, I'm not going to try to figure out anybody else because it's not my business to do so. Right? It's always internal. It's getting curious with myself and not judging myself, right? I'm not judging myself for feeling less than or I'm not judging myself for feeling a little envious of that person. I'm like, I wonder what's under that, like, I wonder where that feeling is coming from. And when we meet it with curiosity, and start to really question our way through it, we learn our own limiting beliefs, which is exciting, because once we know what they are, then we can start to change them. Right? So if you find yourself continually feeling triggered by the same activity by somebody else over and over and over again, it's an opportunity for you like, Okay, what limiting belief is under here that I need to dig out so I can get rid of it. That's really a recommend imposter syndrome just in general. And then the second one, and this is maybe a little petty, but it's not intended to be like the internet is literally the highlight reel. Right? Like as somebody who has served as the Australian shepherd for you, as somebody who has served you know, multiple seven figure businesses, you know, it's probably not as pretty behind the scenes as you're making it out to be right like you think and not that it can't be so it's like a double edged sword right? Like I hate to say that because somebody's like, oh gosh, well, I'm gonna get there and it's still gonna be a hot mess like we're still humans having a human experience no matter how much money is in our bank account. Right like period end up so this idea that you know, it's easier for her or once I get there we easier for me like those things are all just stories you're telling yourself because there's different challenges at different levels for all different reasons. And I Um, so that's really kind of how I encourage people is like, you're just you're seeing one, you're seeing one slice, right, like one slice of people's lives and take the positive from that and leave what doesn't serve for you serve you, right? Because my whole story now, like, I used to be the same way. It was like, oh, you know, because she's winning. I can't. And like, just shift that into because she's winning. I can. Yeah. Oh, my gosh, that was so good. Yes. Yes. It's evident, right, like, yes. And I also find, like, because I'm human too. And like, these thoughts creep into my mind, in like, I love the curious part for you that you spoke on. Because when those start creeping in, I literally immediately turn off my phone. I'm like, This is my brain is screaming at me that I need a mental break. Like it's overstimulated. It's not thinking clearly, I'm probably hungry and probably need a nap. Like, you know, there's, you know, just even that's that simple of a solution. I can come back to social with, like, start scrolling and be like, yeah, she's crushing it and like no girl, like, so it's just like, what our needs aren't taking care of. We're not ourselves like, it's totally like this. Snickers commercial, like you need a Snickers like, it might not be you know, candy bar, but like, when your needs aren't met, we just, we can go to a really dark place. And it's, it's just like a cry for help from your body and your brain of like, we're, we need some recalibration here. And I will add one more thing to that because I find myself doing this quite a bit. When I scroll on social. Is there so many cool people doing so many cool things that it makes me second guess what I'm doing? Oh, maybe we should do that. Maybe we should try this. Like at some point in time, the onslaught of information because it's no longer productive, right? When it's no longer like inspirational, it starts to be you start to question maybe I'm doing it wrong, maybe there's a better way to do it. Oh, my gosh, that girl's copy said that this should be happening. And that's not happening for me. So maybe I'm doing it wrong. Like, just really like, it's, it's a lot of trust in yourself, right? That like that can work for that person. But what I'm doing is working from me. And I have to that's my sign to turn it off. When I start to like change my business model based on like somebody's 92nd Tiktok. I have to put it up and walk out messenger team, we're changing every Oh, sometimes I don't even I don't even message them. I just do it. They're like, what the hell happened? And I'm like, so I watched this tick tock, and it was really great. And they're like, Oh, Sweet Jesus. God bless them. Yes, I love it so much. We actually just had a team meeting on some shifts yesterday, it wasn't from a tick tock, but it was internally. So it's just like, but it's like listening to your own compass is so. So sure. Which is not always easy when you're not pouring into you. So it's like, We are the strategy. Like, the more we take care of us as women, that internal belief system, and that compass, just because comes stronger and stronger and stronger, which is huge. And it's so key, because that's the solution, the more we take care of ourselves a lunatic writing it down, because that's the solution. But we think that the solution is more of this and more of that and more time and more and more and more and more and more and change and be somebody different. But really, like you said, the more we take care of ourselves, the better we serve ourselves, the better results we're gonna get from whatever it is we do in all the areas of our life. I don't want to say it was it was not a, an argument. But there was a woman like I posted on social media that busy is a choice, right? And so and this woman is and it's kind of funny to me, because I know she's a mental health professional, which is a little terrifying. But she's like, Yeah, but you know, but I have two kids, and I have this and I hit that. And I have that in it, you know, and I was like, Cool. That's your choice. Like, I also have two kids. I also run two businesses. I also sleep eight hours every night, I read two books a week, I walk three miles every day, like busy is a choice. And she's like, Yeah, but your kids are like, you know, like it was just she was she was holding on for dear life, her story of how busy she was. And because we live in a world where that's what we're told, right? If you're busy, you're not you're not making money. If you're not busy, you're not doing it right. If you're not busy, you're slacking somewhere, right? Like, that's what we've been programmed to believe by watching the internet and dealing with all of those things. And so, you know, full disclosure, like I have lunch after this, and the rest of my day is wide open and like I'm already twitching, because it's like, you know, go for a walk, take a nap to tackle my to do list but like I'm like, oh my god, what am I going to do with the four hours between that lunch and my kids come home? Right like my body's like, nervous system is like, but because we're taught to be busy. Like the idea that like, I should just go take a walk and take a nap and be done for the day, like, I still can't even wrap my head around that. And I've been working really hard. So I don't know where it was going with that one. But it's really important. Yeah. But again, that's going back to being a rebel like, and busy, busy, I think gets a bad rap busy, can be good, like, you're going to be busy walking, you're going to be busy with your kids, you're going to like choosing because we're always going to fill the time with something like, as humans, like whitespace does not exist, because it will be filled with something. So it's being mindful of like, where do you want to, like, fill your time to be, you know, quote, unquote, busy, like, I love, I love teaching, let's fill your life. And first, then we work around that to work your business like, because when it goes with you, and you're not trying to swim upstream, and you're actually going truly with the flow, you actually make more and it feels so much better. Like, if you want to be home, when your kids get home and have snack with them. Then we're gonna plug that into your calendar. If you don't, you don't like it. So it's just like, I love that you're speaking up and being a rebel online, because it's so needed. And you're gonna get pushback, which is not always easy. But I think again, like it just all roads lead back to like, since you're so solid and your mindset, you're okay. With the mind, you're you're okay with the pushback, and you're not going to take it personally. No, it's huge. Yeah. It's amazing. Well, I could talk to you all day. So I didn't want you to have to go to lunch and enjoy yourself. So you have an amazing ebook. Can you tell us more about that? Where to find you on social connect with you all the things? Yeah, so I wrote an e book called The self leadership principles. So when I started cutting my spiritual journey out of coming after out of a business divorce, and it's all in the book, if you wanna read about it, I really started analyzing, like, why can some people be given the same information, and the same coaching and the same access, and one person takes it and goes on to build, you know, $100,000 a year business, and another person takes it and can barely make back the investment that they paid into the program, right? That's what really it started it. And it all came down to like the relationship with yourself, right? Like the women who were like, Okay, I know how to take this take what I need, believe what I don't and go execute, versus the people who were either was what I was teaching was out of alignment for them, or they had their own imposter syndrome or their own lack of, you know, their own limiting beliefs that were prohibiting them. So what I really drilled down to after like a year of asking myself the same question of like, what, what's the difference? It's the six principles, and they're not new principles by any stretch of the imagination. It's really leaning into self awareness, self trust, personal responsibility, self concept, growth, mindset, emotional intelligence, are all six principles. But it's really like how do we master those things for ourselves first, so that we can lead others and I use the word lead loosely, Nelly, because, I mean, we can lead from any seat in the room, right? Like, I don't care if you are a solopreneur, who was home alone with two toddlers right now, like you are a leader in your family, you're leaving those tiny camp humans, right? You're leading those people online who are deciding whether or not they want to work with you, right? So don't get hung up on leadership being a position or a title. Like as a business owner or a aspiring business owner, you are a leader, you are a leader, as a mom, you are a leader. You know, as a human in your community, you are a leader. But like that relationship with ourselves is really encapsulates this entire conversation we've had here today. To that's really what's what's in the book because it breaks them down and give you some really good journal kind of prompts and things to work on as to how to improve that relationship with yourself so that you can go out into the world and share your gift in a powerful way. I love that so much. Where can they find the ebook? It's uncensored? consulting.com. Forward slash leadership. Okay, good. We'll make sure we put it in the show notes as well. So we can find it easily because that sounds so incredibly juicy. And then where do you hang out most on social? I have a taste for girl through and through and through so I'm I'm on Facebook Connect with me there. It's Ryan with twins daddy, or be in the room community. We do have a Facebook community. They're called me in the room. Our marketing agency, we are launching a a Facebook group right now. So we can kind of funnel information into different directions depending on who wants to hear what from us. But for now, I share all things marketing, and being a badass woman leader on Facebook. Yeah, so I love that. And I always want to end my podcast episodes with guests of like, what's the one piece of advice that has just like helped you the most that either you discovered or somebody shared with you? That has just been the most impactful? I know, it's hard to pick, you know, I'm like, How can I dial this into this down into one sentence? I think I think the best piece of advice is like Who Who do you let sit at your table, right? Like being really mindful of who gets your time and energy and attention. Because, you know, we always say that like time is our most valuable asset or money is our most valuable asset. I believe our energy is our most valuable asset. And if we wind up with the wrong people at our table, we wind up with energy leaks that we don't have energy to pour into the things we do love like our children, like our businesses, like our spouses, like our family. So, to me, the best advice is like being mindful of who you let in is really, really important because that can be a really big energy leak. I could not agree more so good. So make sure you grab Ryan's ebook, you will not be disappointed. Follow her on Facebook equally not disappointed. Thank you for building so much evidence and belief that you can do this while building a family and you know, loving and living your life. It truly is so important for women to see this. So thank you for being just that bright light on social media. Thank you, Nellie. Thanks for Thanks for inviting me to be here. Absolutely.