On this episode of the Wake Up & Be Wealthy show, Nellie is talking about How to Revive Your Marriage.
We will touch on:
We hope you've enjoyed this episode, because you totally deserve it. We are hear cheering you on and hope to have you back tomorrow for another fresh and juicy episode! Don't forget to subscribe, follow and leave a five-star review wherever you are listening. Make it a great day!!
On this episode of the Wake Up & Be Wealthy show, Nellie is talking about How to Revive Your Marriage.
We will touch on:
We hope you've enjoyed this episode, because you totally deserve it. We are hear cheering you on and hope to have you back tomorrow for another fresh and juicy episode! Don't forget to subscribe, follow and leave a five-star review wherever you are listening. Make it a great day!!
Good morning, it is time to wake up and be wealthy. Ha, I love a good Monday, I have to share a big win that I'm just like. So very proud of actually have two big wins. And I would love for you to share some of yours in the DMS with me because we don't do that enough as women. So we've had a huge struggle with getting Emma to sleep in her own bed. For the last few months she like, and we've had these waves in her sleep schedule since she was a baby, where she'll do like, really, really good. And then it's like, it's like this period period of time that it is the opposite. And no one's getting good sleep and all the things that no matter what we try, like we try all we pull out all the stops. So last night, she was just so so tired. And so I did give her some melatonin. We sprayed some of like this dream spray that my friend Julie suggested. And I laid with her for a little bit. And I said, Why don't you just stay here for a little bit, and I'll come back and get you if I need to, just to make her feel safe. And we actually don't have a child lock on her door. We don't want her to feel trapped. Which I guess you could probably argue that that's probably half the battle because she'll like, Come out of her bed and come in ours. But it just, it feels good to me to not have that anymore. Because she's, I want to treat her like a big girl. And so she stayed in her bed the whole night. And I was able to do a night meditation. Night meditations do not get enough praise. I have this app, it's like night, I guess it's not night, but it's called hypnosis. meditations, it's not exactly what it's called. But that's what it is. And I like put my headphones on, I get such good sleep myself, when I do those meditations. And I just think I just feel like it's like seeping into my brain, even if I don't hear everything. And so last night was about creating miracles, which was beautiful. And I just got such an amazing quality night of sleep. So don't underestimate a quality night of sleep. So it's just perfect for what we're talking about today. Because today we're talking about how to revive your marriage, which is laughable when you have young kids. So this is an open topic that I really want to talk about. Because there's so many women that are like, how, like when how all right. And it feels almost impossible, especially if you are a super busy entrepreneur and throw in some kids into there. And you know, obviously, we're about to embark on a recession, we just got out of a pandemic, right, like, there's lots and lots of challenges, which can create it to be very, very hard to have a rock solid marriage. And so I just want to share some of my, like what has worked for us. I have no relationship or marriage expert, but it's about to be our seventh year of marriage. We've known each other since we were super young. And we've seen each other, grow and change and evolve. And so I think I feel like I've learned a thing or two. And so I do want to share it, just in case it can be valuable. And baby number two is about to be here. So there's that. And then my second one before my pregnancy brain forgets is I stayed off social media for a whole fucking day. Yesterday, it was just something that was on my heart. And I told my husband about it in the morning for accountability. And then I turned told my team member about it. And then I did send out an email if you're on my email list about it. I just I needed people to know. So I didn't like break my own rule. But I checked my screen time and I spent last week 27 hours just on my phone. So that's not even counting. If I did anything on my computer, 27 hours on social media alone 27 hours. Okay, so this is a perfect segue into reviving your marriage. Because we Yes, there are challenges right now. Right? Like, there will always be challenges because it's a thing called life, right? But we say that we're so overwhelmed. We're so busy, but like I don't need to be doing 27 hours on social media. Like that's not necessary. Like even if I did a fraction of that. And like my husband's like you could totally like schedule out posts like no one has to know, and I'm like, You're right, like, I just love like when he gets like into it with me from like a business standpoint, because it's like he does welding and machining. So like he like listens to like some sports podcast and follows a few people. And so it was just really cute when he does stuff like that. He's like, you could schedule some posts and, you know, have like, if you want to check in and do stories, you could do that. But then you'd have to, like, you know, quickly get off social media. I was like, I could even like send stories to my team. And they could, they could post them, right. Like, they don't have to be the one that's posting them. If I feel like I'm going to be tempted, because how many times do you go on social, and you don't even know why you're there. And I even found myself yesterday, My thumb was trying to go to those places. And so it's just a good reminder of like, where else could we use that time, I'm like, I could build so many products and 27 hours, between designing them, creating them, recording them, and marketing them, like 27 hours is a lot of fucking time. That is time that I could spend on decluttering my house, that is time that I can spend on being a better mother and being a better wife, right? Like, the things that actually fucking matter, right? So it was just this big wake up call for me of like, Damn, I'm giving up giving up a lot of my time. To what like, what do I have to show for the 27 hours? Like? Did I make a million dollars from that? Did I make 10 $10,000? From that, like, Yes, I believe in building relationships. And yes, I love connecting with people and seeing what's going on in their world. But that's a little much. And that was actually lower than the week before, I should probably look at what it was the week before, because I turned on some screen time limits on my phone last week, because I already felt like it was a I don't want to say a problem, but it was getting out of hand. And so I think it's just so easy, especially if you are marketing your business online, that it's so easy to be like, well, I need to be on social media. So I just encourage you to check in on your screen time do a day detox. As as long as social media has been a thing. I have never done a whole day off of social media. So now I'm like, Could I do two days? Could I do three days, right? Like, what could I do a whole week and see what I could really really accomplish? To do a week, I would love to make sure that like I still have content going out though. Just so for my own sanity, like I'm still present, I'm still there. But like, it's kind of like the stubborn side of me is like could I do it like it would be a giant fun experiment that I really want to do before I give birth. So it was just it was a huge eye opener. So it's a perfect segue. Again, like I said to this topic, because we are we're giving up so much of our time and I even found myself we got Emma to bed last night, it took a lot, a lot of trial and error. But then like we both of us just like sat downstairs, Jared put Harley to bed and he put his arm around me. And like we just sat there and like I was still working on like some back end things on fg funnels. But he put his arm around me and my cry. And like we just sat there on the couch together. And he watched football and we were just together. And like it felt just so good. And I just felt like it was a more present mom yesterday. And parenting and disciplining, as much as I don't like to discipline, but I had more patience. My mind didn't feel like it was wondering as much. It's just so easy. If you see like, a comment or if you check your DMS and someone has like a billing question. Oh my gosh, anything like that. So I really, like I really enjoyed it like it was life changing to be quite honest. That's not the whole point of this podcast. But it was just shocking to me that, you know, from the time I woke up to the time I went to bed, how one thing could make such a big impact on my life. So I can't imagine what a weekend and a week would do. So I'll keep you updated anyways. So let's talk about reviving your marriage. So if you know anything about the five love languages, excuse me, The Five Love Languages. It's a book. There is a quiz. We took it when we either right when we got married or right after, I think it might have been right after. So what I love about The Five Love Love Languages is the quiz. So even if you don't read the book, you can Google Five Love Languages quiz. It's free. I took it and then I asked the questions to Jared And so I could get his results. And our love languages, I would be curious to do it again, just because it's been seven years, so, but I could easily guess what ours are, now that I know so much about it. But they are the five love languages are quality time, acts of service, physical touch, gifts and words of affirmation. So everyone on this planet receives love, and gives love in those, those five categories. And so what's beautiful about this is, if you're, if your love language is, let's say gifts, and someone else is that's not a top love language for them. And you keep giving them gifts and you're like, like, they don't seem excited about them. Like I love giving them gifts, it makes me so happy. And you're kind of like there's this block. It's because they speak a different language, right? So more than likely, maybe they their top. Love Language is quality time they keep wanting to like just hang out with you or spend time with you, or talk to you, right? And you're like, This is so annoying, like, Why do they want to spend so much time with me or talk to me? It's because that's their top love language. And so, almost think of it as speaking literally different languages like English, versus like French, right? And so if they, if we speak different languages, it creates a lot of barriers of like, what are you actually saying to me, right. So I love the five love languages for that reason. Because when you can start to understand how someone is trying to communicate their love to you, even if it's not your top love language, you can appreciate it so much more and understand that like, wow, they really do love me like, they filled up my gas tank for me, they mow the grass, right, like they cleaned up the kitchen like, and so you can start to look in your marriage for how the other person is showing up. And so if there's a very much lack, at that moment, it can be hard to want to do things on the other side. But what I can tell you is when you can start to understand what their love languages, then you can be the leader, you can start showing up and pouring into them. And then without you even saying anything will help them pour back into you. So if that's like where you're at from a marriage standpoint, it can be massive. I don't know if it was in the five love love language book, or I think it might have been a different book. But a guy felt very alone in his marriage. And so for X amount of time, every day, he wrote down one thing he loved about his wife from that day. And that experiment helped him fall madly in love with his wife, again, like within, I think it was like 90 days or something. Every day he wrote it wrote down something and nothing else changed. That was it. But he started to notice the blessings, the beauty about her what she was actually doing right like, and before he was just focused on lack, lack, lack, right, and what we attract, expands. And so he actually gave that gift to his wife and like, shared everything with him with her. And they like really revived their marriage. So it's like, it's crazy, because like the solutions are right in front of us. And so if we keep focusing on like, we never have time together because of our children, or a he doesn't love me, or he doesn't get me or my business or support me or anything like that. We're going to keep attracting that and expanding that. And so as hard as it may feel, and B we get to really shift. And I do believe one person can really revive a marriage on their own. Because someone's got to be the first right. And although would it be nice for another person to be first Yes. But like, it's not always going to be that way. And maybe there's going to be another chapter in your life where they're the first right. So like, if you're feeling that way and it's on your heart, then be the first right like take the lead and let's move forward and revive this marriage. We before I got pregnant, we were doing weekly date nights where we would get a sitter every Thursday. I really really did enjoy that. We did take a pause on that. Just because then we got a puppy and what do you do with the puppy? When the sitter is here? Um, so, cuz she's not she wasn't very much trained and she was nibbling. So we did take a pause from that and we got pregnant was like, Okay, let's take a moment to breathe. But we have enrolled my mother in law and a few date nights just to like, keep that going, which is huge. Last night we were even talking about, we really wanted to do like a full week baby moon. And it just, it hasn't felt like it's landing as easy. Between both of our schedules, and dog and Emma school and all the things so we're like, Okay, what about like a hotel staying, even if it's just here in Columbus, which also great goes great with our money goals, because originally, I really wanted to go to Hawaii and like, we can afford to go to Hawaii. But my husband's like, we really want the dream house that's gonna take away from the dream house fund. Are you wanting to do that? And I was like, hmm, like, maybe we like save Hawaii for a 10 year marriage. tidier, which is in a couple years, which then kids will be a little bit older, that will be easy from a babysitting standpoint, etc. And like, honestly, like we could start saving for it now. Right? And then it's like, no big deal. So pretty cool. So. So be flexible, right? Like, I had my heart set on Hawaii so badly. Because I just took a group there. And I really wanted us to get back as a couple. And so we were just talking about it and didn't align with our goals. So I was like, Okay, let's do a hotel saying, Jared like, okay, let's Yeah, I'm totally down to do that. We, like talk about, like, intimacy for a hot second, like physical touch, right? Like, you have to get freakin creative when you have young children like, it is the hardest thing, no one's talking about this. Like, especially if you have a kiddo that doesn't want to sleep in their own bed, right? Like, and we work, like, my husband goes to work at 5am. And he's done by 230. And he picks up Emma, and then we come home and we have family time. And then it's bedtime, and trying to get her to bed, right, which we haven't been successful in, in the past few months. So she's gone to our bed. So you can you can fill in the blanks there of like, how difficult that is to have, like, intimate time with your significant other. And so we've had to get super creative with like showers on the weekends. And, you know, random date nights every now and then. So I am proud of us because it has not been easy to make it work. But we have gotten as creative as we possibly can. And so, um, like I told him the other day, I was like, I want to be so nice when like, kids are grown and we just like look at each other and be like you want to and it's like yeah, let's do it. It's not like this huge production. So So yeah, arts definitely from a love language standpoint is quality time. So that has been huge. So I really protect my afternoons and evenings. It has felt so good when they get home from school that I'm done with work like oh my gosh, so good. Like Emma will walk into my home office. And she's like, all done with work. And I'm like, yeah, baby, all done. And she goes, yay. And like I know, I know that is so big. Like I love working and she she gets it like on some level she is getting it. And but like just to say to her Yes, baby all done at three, like they get home at like 340 and we go get a snack. Sometimes you go outside. Jared is then able to which I do love this too. Like, since he wakes up so early. And he's like diving right into work, he doesn't really get any alone time. So like we've worked out a flow of like, he gets to like, go run, and shower. And then like, I focus on Emma. And then like we have family time. So like it's just getting in a freaking rhythm, right rhythm, routine flow. Can communicating. We've really worked hard on talking on our finances. One thing that I will share, I know this is getting to be a little bit longer than we normally do on podcast. But we have all of our money go into one account. And we each have our own accounts for spending like extra money. And so in our budget, we have an allotment every single week that we each get and this has been beautiful for buying each other gifts, buying ourselves things. So that has been huge. Obviously we have a big goal for our dream house and we're getting closer and closer and closer. We're less than six months away from having what we need. So it is really Eat being very intentional, right now. So we're cooking more. Because that's a big area for us, we love to, we love to just be like, oh, let's eat out like it's just it is what it is. And it's probably, again, the season of life where you don't have much energy to think about what do we want to cook and eat and do all the things and do dishes and all the things, which when baby comes here, I am fully expecting to be the thing, and I'm okay with that. But in these next few months, like we agreed, like, Let's do more cooking, and we're just being intentional about our budget. There's more than enough. And it's just being again, attention intentional. So that way we can make the numbers work for us. So we were constantly discussing finances and just like how it's feeling what it's looking like. And that feels really, really good too. So it's just like a lot of freaking communication. And then from a schedule standpoint, we have a calendar on our fridge. Because if I gave him access to my Google Calendar, it would give him a panic attack. And he's like, I don't want to see it. So I only have like the relevant things to our family on there, whether it be things that all of us are doing, or I'm going to be out for. So like I have a conference coming up. So that's on there, so he can see it and look at it anytime he wants to or needs to. So and then we're in the kitchen so much too. So it'll bring up like, hey, like we always are revisiting the calendar, like, Hey, this is coming up. And that's been super helpful just to like, be on the same page and talk through things. Obviously, there's a lot of logistics with children. And it's only going to get more. And like last week, I had a networking event on Wednesday, which is Emma's dance night. So we all went to dance, and then I left and then he was able to finish. So it's just like, really being partners is a big deal to me, and just communicating on all the levels. And then like adding as much fun as we can, right? Like, even just little things have been huge. So that is like, in a nutshell, what we're doing right now, with the seeds that excuse me the season of life that we're in. And it hasn't always been easy. When Emma was little. It was very, very challenging, if I'm being honest. So I just want to make sure that like, we are being very intentional going into baby number two, which I feel like I'm we're just different humans now, five years later, I feel like we're not kids anymore. And like, I've worked on my mindset so much. And we've worked on our marriage so much. So I feel like we have just like this super, super strong foundation. And I think when you're a parent for the first time, you're like, What the fuck am I doing? Versus like, time number two, like we just have more of an understanding, like, they'll still be challenges like, that's life, but I just feel like we have such a better baseline so we can work through it, which is great. So but yeah, I think it's little things that add up and I just can't I can't stress enough the five love languages over there over the years have just been so so helpful to be able to have a stronger relationship together. So I hope you enjoyed today's podcast episode. Totally check your screen time. And if you feel called do a social media detox, you don't want it. You don't have to like tell the whole social media world either. Like I don't think I'll ever announce it on social media. I will talk about it on my email list and and to you but I don't think I'll ever be like, Hey, I was gone yesterday because that's not what I want them to pay attention to. Right. So that's only for insiders only. So have a fabulous day and I'll talk to you tomorrow.