73. How To Choose Self Love Over Stress - Guest Jessica Herrington

On this episode, Nellie is talking about How To Choose Self Love Over Stress with guest Jessica Herrington of Journey to Yourself.
This episode touches on:

• How to define stress
• How to decide the standards in your life
• How to love and respect yourself

If you'd like to connect with Jessica:
@journeytoyourself101 on IG
journeytoyourself.net website
Connect with Jessica! If you're interested in learning more about her 1:1 coaching offer, check here:
https://www.journeytoyourself.net/individual

Transcript

Unknown: 1:31

Good morning mama. It is time to wake up and be wealthy. It is time for you to become rich a week it is time for more ease, flow and fun for you. It is time to build a life and business, you are madly in love with it. It's time to unlock the wealth codes needed to build your business with your dedicated host, me, Nellie Corriveau Nellie Corriveau. I am the CEO and founder of the wealthy mama movement. And I want to officially welcome you to the wake up and be wealthy show. I am the master at sales and social media with over 17 years of experience, building brands in multiple industries, resulting in millions of dollars night as mentored countless women from starting their businesses all the way up to multi millionaires. I am here to be your go to mama to help you build an iconic brand that you are proud of to create a massive passion and impact in the world. Without further ado, let's unlock today's episode. Enjoy. Good morning, let's wake up and be wealthy. I'm here with the one and only Jessica. Good morning. Hi. I'm so excited to have you on the podcast today. And we are talking about how to choose self love over stress. Yes, please. Do that. Yes, yes. It's so important. So needed. So I need to talk about for sure. So easier said than done, right? Like our logical brain knows like, sure, I should choose self love over stress. But then you've got a sitter canceling on you. Clients payments, maybe not going through like, like just insert any type of stress. So how do we how do we do that? Effectively? Yeah, of course. So I always like to start with what is stress? And so because it's a word we use every single day you call your girlfriend, I feel like oh my gosh, it is so stressful. Oh, all right. And we just go on with the conversation. So what the heck is it? So you just seen a lot of great examples. So is a reaction to change. You had a sitter plan and all sudden, boom, it didn't happen. You had a payment plan your your clients are so let's pay and boom, it didn't happen, right? And happens every single day, no matter how much we say we're in control. Secret is guys we're not. So that's what I'm talking about. So what do we do? So when it comes to self love, a lot of what I focus on, yes, creating awareness around stress, but self love and a sense of taking care of yourself, you know, especially as women, you're very much a give, give, give give. But I mean, there's every cute little quote saying out there, you know of taking care yourself care for the teapot, all that kind of stuff. But what I like to focus on is the why. And my why is usually around the people around you. So if you're a mom, thinking about this throughout the dinner table, the phone's ringing, the kids are crying, the pots boiling over it's a normal Monday night, right? And you finally sit down and the kids are talking to you about your day. But you're not you're there physically, but are you there mentally when they're saying, Oh my God, let me tell you what Susie did say your automatic initial thought is I gotta please make this a short story yet to the point and it's nothing against your kid but you're tired, you're overwhelmed. You're everything else is going on in your thoughts. And so how do we get there so you can actually be in that moment. And listen to your kid tell you about the day, listen to news to begin to tell you about the day when you're at the soccer game. Literally see and feel the excitement of your kids making the goal, right. That's what I want to get people to. And how do you do it? That's the why. So how do you do it? is literally by making time for yourself. I hear you. I hear you. There's there's before I know give yourself a minute yell at me first. We had do all the yelling. Don't hang up though. Do the yelling. Come back. Okay. Yes. And I say with one to five minutes a day. What does one to five minutes a day with just yourself look like? And so my vote is always drinking the coffee while it's still high. Because how many times are you re microwaving the coffee? Lose the coffee? It was with you it's probably on the top of the roof of the car. It's probably in the car. I don't even know at this point. You know, so drinking the coffee why it's so hot. I love that. And we always feel better after like always, always. So it's like allowing yourself To feel that feeling because we deserve it. Yeah. And you said it, it's allowing, it's not giving yourself a guilt trip, rain. It's treating yourself as you treat others. If I called you is in my day is so stressful. I don't even want to get the dishes done. Laundry is overflowing all I want to do asleep. So first thing you're going to tell me is Groke. Don't do it. Let the dishes overflow, let the laundry happen. sit on the couch with a glass of wine. It's okay. But as soon as you get off the phone with her, you go do your dishes, you go do your laundry then, right? You don't even take your own advice. Yet know, why do you think that is? Because we we have different standards for assault, right? We want to hold on to more we want to be the be the support system, right? We want to be the strong one because society is that if you take on more of you hold on more of you don't show airport weakness. You're strong. If you're a mom, you have full time job part time job, kids husband house thing, if you do all this, you're amazing. But how do you do it all, you got to start by taking care of yourself. You have to for me to be there and have a successful relationship, I have to be awake, not falling asleep during conversation, I have to be present not thinking about what to do list. And for me to get there, I have to make time for myself. Because the other thing is, I set the standards for how others show up to my life. So if I say you can talk to me if I say because I do. If I say you can walk around on me if I say you call me last minutes change plans, because I do it all myself. So if you were going to do it, you ask yourself, God, how's everybody do this to me? I've always this person, what are you doing? What Steelers have you set for yourself in your life. And putting it this way, we all know that one person that you can eat in their car, getting in the car getting in the car, right? You have that one person because they set that standards. You know that one person when you go over their house, you can't wear shoes in their house, because that's their standards. You know that one person you can call at eight o'clock in the morning because they're not awake? Because that's their standards? Where are the standards that you're setting in your life? That's so huge, because I really do believe sometimes we have to slow down. So we can speed up. And we're just a lot of times, we're just moving through the motions of oh my gosh, this client needs it. Let me get that my kids need this. Let me get that and like we just end the day very unfulfilled. And then we're like, why am I doing all of this? especially business owners, right? Like this is not easy. But we make it so much harder than it needs to be so much harder. We think we have to keep going. And yes, of course, grow your business. Yes, show up for people. I'm not saying just sit at home all the time. But I'm saying doing those check ins, because the first thing that you asked me when I came on here was is self love overstressed aligned with you. So if I wasn't doing myself check ins if I wasn't living by what I preach? How would I know? How would I even know that? I like tea over coffee? How would I know that? I like this restaurant or this restaurant, or I don't like going to these movies. Right? Because if I don't make time for myself, I'm not going to know what I want and need. So I can't expect other people to give me what I want to need if I don't even know what I want to need. I know I I feel like women trip up on the question of like, How can I support you for like, oh my gosh, oh my gosh, we get so weird about it. I really think to your point, it's because we haven't spent enough time with ourselves. And we don't even know what we need. So how can we tell somebody else? You hit it right on now? I don't know the answer. I don't want to feel dumb, awkward or stupid. Yep. Oh, I don't know. I'm just gonna laugh it off. And we're so silly brain, please. Because I really don't know. It's because I don't need that time for myself. And the time I do make for myself. This isn't just be dramatic. But I wish that time was you're crying. You're sad. You're questioning life? Well, I yeah, I had a client say to me not too long ago. She's like, I had a huge aha moment. And she's like, I only am journaling when I am frustrated. And she's like, why am I not journaling? What I'm happy. I was like, what a big gift to realize that. And to your point, like to piggyback off of that, like, are we only spending time with ourselves when we're, we're sad or frustrated and we like need to release but not in the happy moments. That's profound. First of all, give your clients some love for me because right on the money, and it's actually one of the things that I talk to my clients about because again, it's very easy to talk about the woes. The first thing we do when we call your girlfriend or I'd say was so stressful, right? We know that we can do that. Check a plus you guys, we succeeded there. Okay, next subject, please. Right? Where are the happy moments? And this is what gets really hard. What are we doing something as journaling? So we could talk about the woes, but we struggle going well, what was the good that happened today? And we really struggle on that because we're, it's so we're so prone and looking at all the negatives that we miss on the good ones. And I'm not saying life is always rainbows and butterflies, for sure we all know that. But there's actually a lot more good in our life than we give ourselves credit for whether it's within what's the surrounding us have there's not what needs to change because again, we set those standards. Yeah, we there isn't a lot of like, there's a lot of things in this world that we don't have control over. But there is a lot that we do. Like it's definitely a two way street. Do you feel like we're addicted to stress? Yeah, because of the bragging right. About a business owner? What's the first thing Oh, how's this going? I'm busy. I'm busy. I'm just so busy. I'm just so many things gone. Okay, great. What are they? Because every business owner has spent time scrolling through tick tock, every business owner has spent time walking around our kitchen going, I'm gonna have some tea, maybe I'll make some lunch. And I'm not saying you're not busy. But there's some good stuff you don't. Yeah, had a great day, I got some really good meetings done. You know, I have a potential client happen at a really great podcast interview. Great. So if we do it as a kind of like a bragging, right, you know, oh, I ran the business. Now. I'm gonna go cook a five course meal tonight. It's gonna be amazing. And everybody's going to love it when you say everybody else, but we don't talk about what makes us happy. How can we stop doing that? Like, I don't want to live like that. I don't want anyone else to live like that. So how do we be the rebel in the world and live differently? First of all, I love the word rebel. Feeling that I think about you right now right now we're gonna talk about rebel and how we all look up to them growing up anybody just, um, different story, different podcasts. We get. So going back to that one to five minutes. So there's a couple of things you do. So I'll do some nutshells because I know we want to we want them really quick. So I'm talking about communication really quick. The first thing is avoiding the words always and never when we're talking to somebody about that. Always, never, you always are too busy for me. You never listen to me always never become defensive. Now we're in the arguing. Now we're not resolving. Right? So what do we do? I'm so frustrated that when I asked you to bring the creamer, you didn't get creamer for me. It makes me feel like my needs are not important. There was no you are the horrible person or anything that I'm taking accountability for my feelings and my reactions towards that action, right? Keep accountability over here. What is it what happened? Why? So that the next thing is going to be self love? How are you talking to yourself? And really how you talk to yourself. In the sense of I am, I will get lost in a shoebox like I am the true definition of getting lost in a shoebox, okay. Every time the GPS goes, rerouting, which is like her her favorite work to me. If I go oh my god, yes, you're stupid. You're so dumb. You're an idiot. I'm not just not paying attention. It's a real thing. And so if I did that, I'm telling myself that it's okay for others to tell me that. Or others will look at me that way. And if that's not good enough, I want you to think about all the negative things you said to yourself today. I'm idiot. I'm dumb. I'm ugly. This outfits horrible. I can't believe you said that. The list goes on. You're worthless. You're not loved. And I want you to write them all down. And I want you to put your sister at the top. Dear Mom, to your best friend. Dear Aunt, would you say any of those things that people you love or respect? No, no. Because you will love and respect them. Not respect yourself. So how do we get there? It's that one to five minutes a day. Set a timer. The alarm goes off this morning. Let's say 615 Let's just go crazy. 615 alarm goes off today. For one minute you have another alarm. I don't care what you do. You can do Just open the book that stacks to, that's brand new to keep telling yourself you're gonna read. I'm gonna read it, I'm gonna read it, say put it next to just open it, read the title, he can read the bio, don't care, just open down. practice breathing. I'm just gonna sit here, I'm gonna breathe for a little bit. I'm going to warm up a cup of coffee. If I drink it when it's hot, it's fine. If not, I'm not there yet. But listen to what I'm saying. It's one to five minutes, it's baby steps. And I say baby steps because you're training yourself, you're learning something new. I can't buy a parachute sneakers, say and run a marathon tomorrow. It doesn't work that way. I have to buy the shoes, I have to train I have to practice estimate commitment. And I have to do it every single day, then I can run the marathon. It's an everyday thing. It's not just Today's the day. It's every day. I love that even though I'm like still hung up in the best way ever on the always never. Like we say that to ourselves all the time. Like all the time. I'm never going to make it right. Like I'm never going to make it to XYZ sales goal. I'm always running late, like whatever it may be like we put these infinite labels on ourselves. That's what we start to attract. You attract them because you're looking for validation throughout the day. Yes. Well, they just prove me I'm always getting lost because I'm an idiot. Oh, there I go again. Oh, I didn't make that client call you up shows me I'm not gonna make the sales sales this month because I never do. Right? What's gonna happen? We set their standards. Yes. And I love course correcting in real time. Like, I'm human. Right. So like, but I know how important are words are and I will literally stop myself and be like, Whoa, no, I do not need that. Let me take that back. And like, it's almost like a rewind. But I do that on purpose. Because I know how important the words that we say are, whether they're out loud or not. And so I just I love all of these tips. I think they're so helpful. And like buying the pair of shoes to run the marathon. Like it's not going to happen overnight. Like that is so helpful. Yeah, it's, it's important. It's helpful. And like you said to the biggest thing is we are human. And I think us talking about this more and more shows that that we are all having a similar thoughts and you have group sessions, probably I'm not sure. But I know when I do when I do my group workshops. The first thing is only to Oh, I'm not alone. Oh, I have that thought to. Yes, because guess what, you're human, you're human. I used to think as a coach and a mentor, I had to have all my shit together and be this perfect, you know, version of myself and I was freaking exhausted. And when I started to take those expectations and labels off myself, my business actually blew up like, mind blowing to me that I was like, Wait, I don't always have to wear makeup. I don't have to always have my shit together. Like I can just tell you like how I'm struggling and you actually appreciate it. It just like it blew me away. And it like was the best gift ever. Because when we see those type of people online, it feels impossible for us to build whatever they built that we we desire. And so it's just been huge to to know that. No, you're right. And you know, we put these young people on these pedestals that, oh, they don't have bad days, they're always working out. They're always having successful calls. They're all I can't what that always. It's not real. It's not real. It's something always happening. Listen, girls, your birth control is nine and a half percent. Like, it's not an always thing. It's not. Yes. So just having that mindset, I think is really great. But also what you were talking about when you talk to people with other thing was being realistic people want to feel they can relate to. Right, so if I tell you that I get lost easily and you're like, Yeah, me too. Yep. She's not. We're the same on both human you know? Yeah. I love that. And like when we, we put those people on the pedestal, then we're chasing something that doesn't even exist, like and then we're never gonna get there, right? Like if the destination doesn't exist, and we're heading towards it like we'll never get there. So it doesn't feel like good anyways. Yeah, it's you're you're actually right, you're not setting a realistic goal for yourself. I think that also puts in a part of what works for you. So I just listed just bite size habits by side things you can do, obviously have plenty more, but what works for you. If that one piece if you're like listen coffee When it's hot, it's not my jam. So your jam, it doesn't work for you. That's okay. So finding what does work for you and is realistic for you is really important. Amen to that. I love that. So obviously, we could talk all day long about this. If people want to know more, get in your world, hire you one on one, like, tell us all the things. Yeah, of course. So my business called Journey to yourself. It's really fitting right now. So I say my stress management and self love Coach, you can find all my information about my coaching packages on my website called Journey to yourself.net. So do one on one coaching, speaking. But my second piece of my business is I work with corporations as well. So you know, work with their employees on a one on one basis, or provide their corporations a monthly workshop. Again, everything is found on my website, contact information, more details about the coaching, workshops, everything in between, on Journey to self.net. Awesome, and we will link that in the show notes as well. So that way it's there and ready to go. And my favorite question to ask our guests is what does it mean to you to be wealthy? Oh, I know, silly question. I mean, happy but be happy with myself with what I've created. As far right. So being happy where I was and where I am now. I love that. And I think we tend to chase money. But if you can chase happiness first. The money will come and unthinkable. Unimaginable beautiful ways. Oh, yeah. Because you're happy. Like, it's so good. It's so good. Yeah, I love it. You're amazing. Well, I took so many nuggets away from today. So take one action item from Jessica and contact her give her some love on social. Where do you hang out most on social media? I'm probably Instagram. So do yourself one on one. Okay, cool. So say Hi, Jessica on Instagram. And hopefully we'll have you back on that the podcast. Guys Good talking to you right now. Is your head spinning? I hope you took so many notes and you feel so inspired. Time truly flies when you're learning about becoming wealthy a app. I hope you loved today's episode. That does it for us on the show. Don't forget every weekday we unlocked a another juicy money making episode. So be sure to subscribe or follow where you're listening to this. And also, don't forget if you haven't already to leave us a five star review on your podcast platform so we can take over the world together and share a takeaway on social media and tag me at the wealthy mama. We love doing spontaneous prize prize giveaways. So don't forget to tag us with a takeaway so we can reward you as being one of our biggest fans and listeners. Until next time, don't forget you are worthy of being wealthy and from everyone at the wealthy mama movement. We love you make it a great day.